It felt like an echo. Something from within. Something selfish and self-oriantated. It started its journey from my mind, my heart and soul were reflecting it. From a certain point, it started to generate itself. Nothing could stop this old familiar feeling from growing, conquering everything there was to conquer inside me. Four letters, no more.
When I woke up on the bus at the exact some spot where I had fallen asleep earlier, I've came to a huge realization. It was like traveling through time, messing with the space-time continuum. After the huge, amazing night I got ont the bus, and, instantly, entered into a dream world. It was empty - nothing seemed to care to show itself to my dream spirit. A hallow dream it was. Thoughts. I only had my thoughts. They were chasing me like evil persons trying to take everything from you that you hold dear. Constantly insulting your very personality, tearing your feelings and ambitions down, apart. Crawling on your skin, holding you back, and stopping from doing whatever you want. _OR_ Leading me to my final choice, the good one. This dilemma, whether my overTedding mind was responsible for my failures, or it was a great bless which was creating a balance with my heart, was also making me mad. Hesitating about hesitation.
Deny. Rejection. Turning down, your back. Making a nonsense step. Saying no to what the world want from you. Facing it, looking into the eye, and stepping on the road which is almost completely abandoned. Walking alone. It was so easy. It is now. Every once in a while you have to understand, that the most common, mainstream decision one makes at a typical situation is not always the right one. Sometimes, when the time is right, and your not forcing it, when it just comes to you, you can make the irrational move. No one would shake hand with you, give a smile. Most of them wont even realize that this was huge, and important step for you. Some of them would even go as far to think your a fool. Maybe you are. Its irrelevant.
An hour later, I was still on the terminus of the Bus66. But the word still isn't the appropriate one. Again, is. I was sleeping so deep, like staying in a hybernation cell, that I went an entire circle with the bus. I didn't notice my stop, than the other terminus, and went all the way back to the original stop. The rising sun, the milk-frog which was surrounding me like my doubts about everything, the end of my genius playlist were the signs of my time travel. It was a shock. Low battery. I finally understood what was going on. A lot. I've almost fell over the edge - was it the helping, caring hand of my loved ones, or my own ever-speeder mind that led me to my revelation? Maybe both. Now, my boots are at the edge, I'm looking down into the same pit, I was laying in for weeks. It is still the same. It wants me back. The comfortable, deep bottom of it calls out to the weak part of my soul, trying to persuade it. Saying that no matter how hard I fight, I will, by time, end up there once more.
Turning back is easier than ever. All I have to do is picture something, 1, and suddenly, everything turns into a clear, yet wild ocean, into which I would gladly swim. For now, I'm afraid of a possible storm, but this wont last long.
"The trouble with wanting something, is the fear of losing it, or never have it. The thought makes you weak."
The dance goes on.
--->
